Poems and Photography by Robert Dougall
Life and Relationships
Living and Loving
Cast adrift from the shore,
no longer in control,
waiting for tide or wind,
to guide our movement.
Lost in doubt,
what is the best way out?
what is really missing?
to your name is calling.
Images flashing in the mind,
hoping to grasp what’s signed,
clearly as an occupation,
to provide true concentration.
What is worth the effort,
of the investment?
to honour productivity,
or embrace creativity?
Our time is a precious commodity,
that shouldn’t be spent hurriedly,
on repeated activity,
where new ground can be covered.
Walking with eyes opened,
counting every moment a blessing,
grateful for every material blessing,
and each loved one in life.
Dig Deep,
beyond the surface appearance,
there is a world of brilliance,
waiting to be explored.
In every living being,
there is a hidden realm existing,
required for the seeing,
in the search for the real.
Showing confidence,
that there’s more substance,
the inner beauty,
discovered inside.
Holding up a mirror,
a lens of purest clarity,
to reflect what is really,
there beyond the surface.
More than you could ever know.
Deep appreciation,
for the uncovering,
of the best of us that is revealed,
when we take time.
The three-tiered structure,
defines every story,
a beginning, middle, and ending
for everybody.
I suspect my own life,
is at mid-way,
having experienced the point,
which changed my priorities.
I’ve spent time in contemplation,
searching for deeper meaning,
in this creative venture of life.
Searching for authors,
of dialogue and actions,
that have made the biggest impressions,
on myself and the world.
Considering many factors,
which contribute life’s journey,
it’s true we co-write the stories
of our shared universe.
With a tendency to think deeply,
troubling myself easily,
I’ve thought over the difficult questions,
again and again.
When faced with an impasse,
I can only surrender,
let my story take me
into a new chapter of life.
Accepting that sometimes,
answers to important questions,
come at unusual times,
if they come at all.
The day missing hours,
spent in slumber,
spent alone,
illness owning body
and mind,
prevented from rising,
dressing, setting a foot outside,
I can only pray and wait.
Heavy fever,
comes and goes,
stealing my energy,
indifferently,
a matter of pride and will,
that I would rise
and move from here,
yet I am beaten before I try.
Sleeping sixteen hours a day,
spending the rest,
untangling confused thoughts,
of a delirious mind,
once a day I come to my senses,
enough to call for help,
food is given,
at arms distance,
the doctor said I’m infectious,
many people are getting sick,
which just makes things worse.
I experience distaste,
of the cold morsels,
the tepid water,
yet I know I need to eat,
I need strength,
to fight infection,
sustenance means survival,
and I intend to win,
what else can I do,
to improve my immune system?
Bread falls from my mouth,
difficult to swallow,
hard to chew,
I am feeling like a failure,
yet I have come to recognise,
that these negative feelings,
are the face of the virus,
I have hope for my recovery,
as long as it will take,
to come through this stronger than ever,
although for now I want to sleep.
Take time to decide,
as much as you need,
to make the decision,
which direction to take.
We all have one lifetime,
one day then the next,
spending precious time,
in pursuits of our choice,
at times relaxing,
or more productive,
come night we will know,
a degree of satisfaction.
More than a day,
a life of choices,
where our energy is aimed,
our will is directed,
it is possible to make the most,
of the time we are given,
if we have discerned,
what best we should be doing?
Take time to decide,
how best life should be lived,
it may be time,
to change your perspective.
We sit together again,
this sun-filled afternoon,
I’m aware of your eyelids nervous fluttering’s
in the hazy lighted living room.
Find ourselves wondering,
when a word will pass between,
my shyness and your boldness,
once again.
You speak at last and state,
that “every day is a fragrant charm,
sent by the sun in all its warmth,
nature settled in its course,
to welcome us with open arms.”
Imagination runs wild,
we embrace our friendship,
what it truly means,
to live life with the growing optimism.
Sitting in this sun filled room,
an expression of our wish for life,
conversation is nearly won,
holding open the way ahead.
Taking life a minute at a time,
squeezing more into each hour,
I say, at last,
“this day was truly a joy,
and the night is only beginning.”
Waiting for a reply,
is difficult at times,
when the other is quiet,
energy is consumed,
pursuing connection, interaction,
a satisfying conclusion,
to a conversation,
held over time.
There are many who,
struggle in this way,
with a way of communicating,
where conversation deepens,
beyond the superficial,
to another level,
challenging the speaker,
and listener both.
Today’s aim is constructive,
to remain positive,
rising above the inner voice,
which aims to bring you down,
acknowledging inner needs,
and insecurities,
remain steadfast and strong,
to the end.
Establish a connection,
you and I in this thing,
we’re together driving in,
a more than present day.
Wild eyed and hollering,
hair windblown, flying,
resting on the shoulder,
the weight of our decision.
Do we travel further on,
or rest where we are?
Taking a view of dawn’s first light,
opens the soul to deeper sight,
experiencing stillness at turn of night,
sunlight shining awareness without.
Calm the spirit do not respond,
to common gestures designed to offend,
take care of that placed in the hands,
graceful limitation accepted now.
Footsteps following make little sound,
forward motion to abound,
in the rags of existence’s gown,
now the way back home is found.
Knock at the door,
open it wide,
who is there,
on the other side?
Memory of a holiday,
remember the beach,
still sitting on your chair,
sand and sea out of reach.
Thinking about the mind,
looking within,
there is only a stage,
for passing thoughts to appear on.
Thinking about love,
where it blossoms and grows,
a fluid attraction,
a wild growing garden.
This is life,
a flower appears on the water,
humility softens the reaction,
the lotus grows from the mud.
Open the window,
enjoy the view,
the hills in the distance,
a direction to travel to.
Regardless, the decision is made,
no matter how I feel,
the choice we had to make
was difficult
yet we had control.
The choice is ours this night,
to stay here or move on.
Trapped in this snow drift,
the car still barely warm,
no means to communicate
with the world,
I want to wait until morning,
hoping someone will pass by,
you would rather walk to find shelter,
risk the freezing road.
If you decide to go,
walk through the snow and ice,
I will have to go with you,
safety of being together.
If the weather turns foul,
we may freeze before we get far,
which is why I implore you,
that we are safer in the car.
Regardless of how I feel,
the decision is made to walk,
warmly dressed, but not enough,
as we step outside the temperature drops,
the frosty wind blushes cheek,
toes retreat inside driving shoes,
A sigh is seen in the air,
this is not my plan,
as much as you insisted,
I wouldn’t let you go alone.
Tramping through thick road,
tiring legs, burning with cold,
you smile and I reply,
as snow falls lazily around us.
Clouds blanket the sky with silence,
what lies ahead?
is your decision now a regret,
is it too late to turn back?
An hour passes without hope,
colder still we’re getting wet,
with frosty chill and incessant snow,
ready to give up and yet,
you take my hand and point ahead,
a light is shining in the dark,
safety is found, but relief is not,
I will put my anger aside.
At the water’s edge,
hot summer’s day,
swim-suited,
warm skinned,
waiting to be brave.
To take that first step,
plunge into the water,
of the loch’s
glistening open arms.
You’re watching on the shore,
waiting to see if my courage
will hold.
Will I do as I promised,
swim out to the buoy,
floating lazily
in the distance,
half submerged,
bobbing in the waves.
The first step is cold,
water in the shallows
like ice around my ankles.
Stepping forward,
wading to the waist,
brings a sudden rush of breath.
Gasping, I dive in
water crystal clear
but feels frozen.
My desire to impress,
leads me to ignore
any distress, or danger signals
my skin sends.
Kicking out I swim,
panting, all the way,
reach the buoy at last,
turn and raise my hands,
to pose for a photograph.
The water feels warmer,
paddling back to the shallows,
walk onto the grass,
dripping from head and shoulders,
to receive approval,
your smile speaks to me,
within I grow joyful.
Drying in the sun,
in quiet contemplation,
of the opportunity I had,
to swim in the wild.
My mind became clearer,
in the fresh cold water,
reason enough to
do it again.
I was trying to say sorry,
buying you a coffee,
at your favourite place,
overlooking the sea.
When I apologised,
you looked into my eyes,
and told me that
forgiveness would take time.
We walked along the shore,
above seagulls soared,
quiet of conversation
for the now.
We’d said all we could,
to try and lighten the load,
created by the
argument we never had.
It was my intention,
at last to mention,
that living without you
had been hard.
But I remained silent,
wishing I said what I meant,
waiting for you to
make up your mind.
We sit together again,
this sun-filled afternoon,
I’m aware of your eyelids nervous fluttering’s
in the hazy lighted living room.
Find ourselves wondering,
when a word will pass between,
my shyness and your boldness,
once again.
You speak at last and state,
that “every day is a fragrant charm,
sent by the sun in all its warmth,
nature settled in its course,
to welcome us with open arms.”
Imagination runs wild,
we embrace our friendship,
what it truly means,
to live life with the growing optimism.
Sitting in this sun filled room,
an expression of our wish for life,
conversation is nearly won,
holding open the way ahead.
Taking life a minute at a time,
squeezing more into each hour,
I say, at last,
“this day was truly a joy,
and the night is only beginning.”
Waiting for a reply,
is difficult at times,
when the other is quiet,
energy is consumed,
pursuing connection, interaction,
a satisfying conclusion,
to a conversation,
held over time.
There are many who,
struggle in this way,
with a way of communicating,
where conversation deepens,
beyond the superficial,
to another level,
challenging the speaker,
and listener both.
Today’s aim is constructive,
to remain positive,
rising above the inner voice,
which aims to bring you down,
acknowledging inner needs,
and insecurities,
remain steadfast and strong,
to the end.
Wishing for a way,
to reach you today,
driving up the cliff road,
sea crashing below,
an impossibility it seems,
to be with you this eve,
our love is distant but,
we are still apart.
As these days go by,
I will catch your eye,
welcome you in,
to my inner world,
a melody will play,
for this very way,
that we will celebrate,
the day we meet.
That day is yet to come,
I’m following the sun,
as it falls into,
the Western sea.
I am driving still,
up this winding hill,
hoping to see you,
this very night.
Philosophy
What is of myself?
is there anything else?
new words born in another place…
…where does this all reside?
thoughts once crucial, are denied,
by internal disagreement.
Is there the capacity,
to reach into a place,
retrieve the wholesome philosophy,
placate the inner angst,
debating the source of wisdom,
beyond what once was told.
Memories return with meaning,
emotion rising within,
is the truth within those cells,
as the interpretation of experience?
better to see with clear eyes,
the tricks the mind may play.
What is there to trust,
science, religion, or yourself?
where is comfort found,
in the beliefs that are held?
are we the same person,
that we were just yesterday?
Standing in the swirling snow,
without my glasses to see,
where I have come from,
where I am right now.
Breath making trails,
air alive with frost splinters,
when I came out here,
I didn’t consider the cost.
If I could return,
retrace footsteps now covered,
there is an opportunity,
of reaching familiarity and warmth.
Now, to travel on,
forge out a path in hope,
in the white blanketed night,
before being enveloped in the dark.
Self-resolve and determination fight on,
against the setting sun,
trusting in the best for me,
in this bright snowstorm.
There may be no path to follow,
accepting where I find myself,
knowing that somewhere ahead,
is my destination.
Walking through the hilly countryside,
the weather moving within me,
is overcast as I set forth.
Mind is overshadowed,
with thoughts of past troubles,
I want to leave behind.
There is welcome distraction,
in the wood covered path,
trees waving branches,
warm winds of Spring blowing.
The sight of the rolling hill-tops,
in the near distance,
helps me remember who I am.
All I could have hoped for,
the weather within clears,
clouds part, revealing the inner sun,
shining brightly, my mind opens,
Its heat burns within.
Released from the oppressive sky,
I contemplate what today may bring.
Today is to be enjoyed,
the rest has been has become a memory.
Emerging from the woods,
walking into sunshine,
bright warmth and peace,
like the peace of the meadow flowers.
I will ignore the threatening storm,
rainclouds in the distance,
happy for now,
to accept the inevitable,
at some time in the future,
the weather will change.
Alone in the pitch black,
night mares, hooves thundering past,
circling around, tail brushing
a cheek in fright.
This place is coloured by,
old folk tales,
shades and demons
inhabit the doorways,
guarding the exits
no means of escaping,
this dark vista, entrapped,
without chance of awakening.
Some Thing is stalking,
the dreamer’s imagination,
fear casting a shadow,
upon darkening walls.
Tales of the supernatural,
read for enjoyment,
constructing the vision,
adding fuel to the fire.
They can only flee,
from what is coming,
but with nowhere to go,
It takes courage to turn
and face what is threatening,
confronting the darkness,
looking the night terror in the eye.
The monster they were afraid of,
seen for what it is,
lacks ability
to harm the psyche,
beyond convincing the dreamer,
that they were its prey.
They were supposed to run forever,
with a mind full of terror,
until waking up in a sweat.
Now the nightmare has caught them,
it doesn’t know what to do,
its stories aren’t supposed to,
end this way.
Evil is exposed,
as lacking any power,
than to scare them wide awake.
The monster, challenged,
is seen as an illusion,
has no more power to cause fear.
The dreamer awakens,
with great relief,
knowing they’ll never have
another nightmare.
No more dreams of isolation,
stranded within a place of incarceration,
haunted by the denizens of old tales.
With recognition,
that the mind built the place,
and inhabited it,
with their primal fears,
they’ll never have to,
return here, and
visit the haunted house again.
The next generation,
following an established path,
made to discover,
the essence of the universe.
Constructed by scientists,
philosophers and artists,
all are applauded,
celebrated for their contributions,
to uncovering this knowledge.
Consider the complexity of reality,
when viewed as a substance,
of individual particles,
in a purely material way.
The human mind is included,
but there is an argument,
among generations,
of what substance
our thoughts are made.
Some say they are material,
produced by the brain,
while others argue they are subtle,
detached from our selves
regardless of these theories,
the way that consciousness can create,
a world in each person,
is a profound mystery,
waiting to be explored.
An ideal to strive for,
recently recovered.
External clarity,
internal summer’s sun.
Calmness of body,
when agitation turns to rest.
What I am seeking,
depends upon conditions,
discovered in the past.
As simple as this,
the world is one way,
I see another way.
The two create tension and strife.
My ideal,
on this long journey,
is to find a way to relax,
to trust that life,
will support the boat,
that I float on.
What are you worried for?
Is it so serious?
gives you nights without sleep,
captures your attention?
Something from the past,
imposing on the future?
Or a present care right now,
that you can’t do anything about?
You could always pray…
when things aren’t going your way,
study Bible verses,
God’s promises to aid us,
what’s missing from the picture?
comfort that is sought after,
is something blocking it now?
your own desire to control
your own and others lives,
lessons learned are often hard,
still you can relate,
to others if you only wait,
consider their circumstances,
recognise what you have in common,
the desire to be happy,
to live life free of anxiety.
The Mind and Emotions
Past midnight,
walking through streets,
quiet and still,
blanket darkness, unperturbed,
no longing for more than this,
experience, a state of mind,
inwardly searching,
for what’s been missed.
Closer to finding,
true knowledge,
beyond the surface,
what is hidden,
uncovered, the streetlight illuminates
past pleasures,
difficulties, and neutral
events of a lifetime,
constructing the person seen today.
Look farther,
to present circumstance,
mind and its contents,
in the street of variance,
step back farther,
consider what is real,
thoughts about the world,
or what can be revealed,
by open mindedness.
This train goes somewhere,
today’s trip is not far,
travelling for the pleasure of the journey.
I find myself by the sea,
memories take me there,
to sit and watch the waves.
They lap upon the shore,
as sure as I draw breath,
I only need to remember
how lucky I am to be here,
with my heart and health,
images of days gone by,
pleasant in my sensing mind,
yet here I am,
wondering what there is to gain
from writing the story down,
that is where my doubts come from,
have I enough to tell right now,
to inform the verse,
with substance and interest?
Reminiscing in this way,
considering what is past,
ocean waves speak the truth,
our lives are constantly in flux,
forever travelling,
I can learn from this.
Life’s experience,
many waves, many of us,
events colliding together,
are we relying on God,
or upon ourselves?
sitting on the train,
making sense of life’s motion.
Life and Relationships
Imagining consequences,
of illusionary meanings,
when faced with uncertainty,
strongly resist the urge,
the direction in which to jump,
the place that fear is stalking,
ever the unwary,
captivating with terror tales,
enabled by false time,
just don’t give in,
to that final attempt,
to set you off balance,
once again.
It’s only a memory,
appearing with emotion,
as real as sunlight,
solid as the ocean,
beneath ill feelings,
is the desire for a new thing,
trust in the process,
it’s time to get moving,
to search for an antidote,
a painless solution,
to heal from the past,
takes an act of forgiveness.
In celebration of this,
all the good that comes
into this life.
Faced with uncertainty,
faced by a time of darkness,
fear creeping over me,
met by oppression,
strong indecision,
what is the solution?
Won’t give in to the,
morbid voices of confusion,
persuading that the worst,
should always be true,
I choose instead to discover,
peace in the midst of it all.
The invisible enemy,
is often the most deadly,
fear not, and take heart,
love will conquer all of it,
share the best intention,
with a world that’s full of doubt
To begin again,
with expressions of the mind,
flowing words on straight lines,
go beyond the mundane,
considered commonplace,
yet reveal the inner self.
Changeable creatures in life,
challenged by circumstance,
reaching beyond pale existence,
for a measure of happiness,
life lived for the purpose,
of discerning purpose for ourselves.
Count the alternatives,
too many presenting possibilities,
for a natural narrative,
discovered by the senses,
steps taken toward enjoying,
the path our story takes.
Each thought arrives from somewhere,
grown from the heart and mind,
of oneself or second hand,
experience calls them out,
words form words acknowledged now,
for due consideration.
Pale reflection of perfection,
another lie is meaningless,
held in fear over the situation,
forward steps taken in agitation,
deliberately seeking a miracle,
to change past memories not forgotten,
failure to respond to changing times,
needing inspiration or collapse.
Tried and true, the deliverer,
feels the story the body tells,
truths once hidden now progress,
into the budding consciousness,
story unwinding, finally told,
allow the true self to shine through,
if there is more to discover,
it will be right there inside of you.
Ready to invest in an endeavour,
nerves are prickling, diagnosed,
as a primary distraction disorder,
replacing your thoughts with its own,
steel yourself, yet soften,
such a thing is possible,
embrace a new way of being,
taking wise steps and discovering,
you are so much bigger than,
the worries that beset you so.
A sentiment worth developing,
into an idea holding everything,
that is worth considering,
what we shall do next?
You proposed a question,
that was worth the answering,
difficult as it was,
to be honest with myself.
Identifying the issue,
one of respect personified,
in choices and actions held,
ultimately following through.
A moment of indecision,
the pressure of your questions,
silent before my intention,
which decisions to pursue.
Everything has fallen away,
it must be rebuilt, reborn anew,
no rite of passage from this moment,
revealing the way to go.
These decisions must be made,
honour both heart and soul,
why I delayed I do not know,
perhaps the fear of getting it wrong.
Your heartbeat tells a tale,
the truth behind your smile,
are you really alright?
is everything just fine?
I know of the upset,
when everything went bad,
I can see your strength,
at least you can still stand.
This thing could knock you over,
a single given event,
I wish to resolve this particular problem,
and free you from distress.
Yet you try to hide true feelings,
a stoical resolve,
if you trust me with your problem,
it will at least be halved.
Racing heart betrays,
your calm exterior,
an answer may be for you to seek,
solace in a prayer.
Past midnight,
walking through streets,
quiet and still,
blanket darkness, unperturbed,
no longing for more than this,
experience, a state of mind,
inwardly searching,
for what’s been missed.
Closer to finding,
true knowledge,
beyond the surface,
what is hidden,
uncovered, the streetlight illuminates
past pleasures,
difficulties, and neutral
events of a lifetime,
constructing the person seen today.
Look farther,
to present circumstance,
mind and its contents,
in the street of variance,
step back farther,
consider what is real,
thoughts about the world,
or what can be revealed,
by open mindedness.
The Joy filled day is here,
an experience for all to know,
hold these times, in lighter climes,
a suture for the soul.
Fewer cares, or worries now,
in these times of joy,
if by chance sadness comes,
it will go with time.
An attitude to deal with thoughts,
pleasant, unpleasant, or indifferent,
do not force them away,
or try to hold onto them.
Thoughts are insubstantial,
until given attention,
they will grow in substance and strength,
to affect the way we’re feeling.
Relax and let the joy filled day,
return to you right now,
taming the fluttering of the mind,
takes practise constantly.
In the swamp,
sinking with each step,
drawing breath from my chest,
sense of solitude.
Passionless, not proud,
afraid to speak aloud,
irrational fears grind
spirits down.
Feeling far from home,
out of my depth I stand,
scrutinising each thought
passing through my mind.
In danger of progressing,
deeper into waters,
mud sucking feet,
sticking them in place.
A distressing situation,
caught in a rainstorm,
feeling each drop,
on the skin.
A time of woes,
ultimately exposed,
the way out is clear,
only my own doubts keep me here.
This train goes somewhere,
today’s trip is not far,
travelling for the pleasure of the journey.
I find myself by the sea,
memories take me there,
to sit and watch the waves.
They lap upon the shore,
as sure as I draw breath,
I only need to remember
how lucky I am to be here,
with my heart and health,
images of days gone by,
pleasant in my sensing mind,
yet here I am,
wondering what there is to gain
from writing the story down,
that is where my doubts come from,
have I enough to tell right now,
to inform the verse,
with substance and interest?
Reminiscing in this way,
considering what is past,
ocean waves speak the truth,
our lives are constantly in flux,
forever travelling,
I can learn from this.
Life’s experience,
many waves, many of us,
events colliding together,
are we relying on God,
or upon ourselves?
sitting on the train,
making sense of life’s motion.
In my hand,
a grain of sand,
tiniest of objects,
yet part of the land,
it reflects and contains,
within its perfection,
the entire coastline,
upon which I’m standing.
In my head,
a single thought,
splinter of the whole,
reflecting the doubt,
that I may know,
if it is true,
or a misinterpretation of,
Reality as it is.
In my heart,
a single emotion,
speaking of what is,
yet how can I be certain?
mixed with other feelings,
yet powerful it echoes,
so much more real,
than my thoughts and perceptions,
of what it is like to be here.
Waiting for the time,
to move on,
trapped in a thought,
in a way of thinking caught.
Seeking freedom from this,
empty of all bliss,
wanting a way out,
from repetitive worry and doubt.
Take a step forward,
move boldly toward,
the painted door,
chipped and worn.
The handle is cold,
uncomfortable to hold,
but with a turn,
freedom is won.
Imagination caught fire,
centre of my thinking,
feeling world.
If I could go,
anywhere at all,
where would it be,
how would it happen?
An important question,
but more would I say,
is the method of divining,
an answer.
My feeling state,
uncertainty prevails,
fluctuating confidence,
to reach my potential.
Moving on,
from where I’ve been,
taking small or large steps,
overcoming fears.
Time to respond,
an onward call,
which direction to take?
follow Fortune’s way.
Resting,
no longer resisting
the urge to dive deeper,
into the well of feeling.
What is there?
beneath the silence,
of the experience,
my heart beating?
Strongly now,
too fast for sitting still,
vigilant despite the calm,
collected atmosphere.
At peace,
these days are remedies,
for the crazy influences,
of everyday life.
Nature’s call,
remedy for the restless soul,
always here to enjoy,
a dimension of clarity.
Returning now to,
resting.
Days gone by,
more to come,
lost faith in the outer,
shell of experience,
yesterday’s failure,
tomorrow’s triumph,
the only difference,
learning something new.
On Sorrow’s edge,
joyful heart opening,
the tear-filled
emotional mind,
forever leaning,
toward the light,
of a new morning,
I am intrigued,
by what you’re saying.
The breath speaks louder,
than words communicating,
what is experienced,
mind-body connection,
no need to talk,
to say anything,
a sigh, a gentle exhale,
brings understanding.
